Advice – April 2012
Dear Sal,
I have been in a relationship for the past three years with a man that shared a lot in common with me. However, during this time, I have noticed he is pretty self-centered. He is very tight with his money, which he calls being frugal. I was always buying him clothes and things that I thought he needed. When he lived with me, I paid most of the expenses. Whenever his vehicles broke down, I was right there to help. He was not into helping me around my property much either, but spent a lot of time working on his. He was rude to my family and friends and explained his behavior by saying he was not a social person. Recently, my mother died, and at my house among family and friends, he drank too much and then started yelling and swearing at me saying I was not being considerate of how vulnerable he was. I was shocked. When I think back about one of his common phrases, it was, “It’s not my problem.” On the brighter side, I admired his intellect, loved him, and we shared a lot of laughs together. What should I do, if anything?
Depleted
Dear Depleted,
Do nothing. He is no longer your problem. You may have shared some laughs together, but it’s not so funny anymore. Sounds like he was the taker, and you the giver. Sometimes being “frugal” is just synonymous with being a “tightwad.” There is no excuse for his behavior for how he treated you when your mother died. Claiming he is not a social person to cover his rude behavior is not an excuse either. This man is very self-centered. Remember the good times with fondness, but let this one go and learn from your mistakes. A relationship should be a partnership, give and take on both sides, and should endure bad times and good times. Above all, a relationship should be loving and kind.
Sal
