LOVE NEVER ENDS

I met Dick when I was 18 and he was 21, and from the first initial meeting, I knew he was the one. In our long talks together, we both discovered that we wanted so much of the same things in our life. We had both grown up in Chicago, and although we didn’t hate living there, we both longed to live in the country some day and have a family.

After going steady for over a year, my parents decided to move to California because of my mother’s poor health and the Chicago brutal winters. I was not happy about it, but my father insisted I move with them. We were separated for ten months, and I missed Dick terribly, but he was still going to college and couldn’t leave. Then the following spring, we were united, married and moved to California and into our own apartment. Dick went to work for General Electric, and I found an office job until our first child was born. Within ten years, we had four more children, and were moving into our own home. Our dream had begun.

After living happily with our family in the small town Chino, California for eight years, Dick said he wanted to move as it was growing too fast. After asking GE for 3 years if we could move to the mountains, GE finally relented and we moved up to Lake Arrowhead in the San Bernardino Mountains to raise our family. It was a good move, and our children have often said they had a wonderful childhood. But, after fifteen years, Dick was given the desert as his territory to work, so we sold our home and moved to the desert. Dick planted numerous trees, shrubs and flowers to make up for the lack of terrain we were used to.

One by one our children married, but we saw them all the time and spoke on the phone. Dick loved his family, and had spent extensive vacations in the summer in Oregon with them when they were young. Our children loved their father very much, as he was their counselor, and mechanic for their cars or anything that needed fixing electronically. He was also their encourager and their confidante.

On Valentine’s Day 1991, he had a heart attack. He had been cleaning the front porch, and I had been baking a cake. We planned to go out that evening for dinner to celebrate the day. But, a short time later he came rushing into the house. He said he didn’t feel well, and was rubbing his right arm up and down. I told him to go and lay down right away in our room. I called two of my daughters who lived next door to come over, and called for an ambulance immediately. I knew something serious was happen-ing. It seemed an eternity before the ambulance got there. I rode with Dick in the ambulance, and the girls’ followed. They had already notified the rest of the family what was happening.

I felt numb, how could this be happening? There had been no warning. Dick was never sick, except for a cold now and then. He even had a checkup before Christmas and the doctor said he was fine. In the hospital, Dick was in good spirits and told us not to worry, that he would probably be going home in the morning. When the day was near an end, the doctor said that Dick was stabilized and would be placed in a private room in the morning. He told me to go home and get some rest. I kissed Dick goodbye and said I would be there bright and early the next day. I prayed all the way home; hoping Dick would be okay and come home soon. I never should have left. I never slept that night because I was restless, and when the phone rang around 3:00 AM, my heart almost stopped. I knew something was dreadfully wrong. The doctor said he had had another heart attack, and should I come right away. I couldn’t get dressed fast enough. I was too nervous to drive, so my daughters drove me back to the hospital. Dick had been moved to the Cardiac Arrest room, and a group of doctors worked on him for over an hour, but to no avail. The doctor sadly said they had done all they could, but he was gone.

This can’t be true I told myself. We had so many plans and places we wanted to go and see. I screamed internally. It’s not fair! He’s too young, I can’t live without Dick, what was I going to do? My sister arrived at the hospital shortly and stayed with me all day, and helped me to make the necessary arrangements. I’ll always be thankful for her support. My poor children were in shock like I was. They loved their father so much. He had always been there for us.

The next few weeks were a blur, the funeral, the cemetery service; I was just going through all the motions. I tried to act brave in front of my children, but it was an act. I leaned on my faith for strength to keep going. But, I was a widow now, and my life was suddenly altered. I started to have physical problems almost immediately; a clogged tear duct from crying that needed surgery, shingles on my right leg, Epstein Barr Virus that left me bed ridden for over a week, and a cyst in my breast, which I was relieved wasn’t cancerous after surgery. I knew that it wasn’t going to be easy without Dick, but I didn’t know how much more I could weather.

Dick had always been there for me. But now I knew that it was up to me to take care of me. I really started praying and reading my Bible. God had always been there for us. He would now. It’s been seventeen years since Dick was taken from us, and there isn’t a day that I don’t miss him. My whole family does, but we know he’s alright, and still with us in spirit, his counsel, wit, sense of humor, and sparkling blue Irish eyes will always forever be in our memory. But, I will always miss him.

Many of you who read this have gone through similar circumstances, and you need not go through it alone. For those who would like to seek grief counseling or support group therapy, here are some numbers you can call Compassionate Friends at 877-969-0010 or try their website www.compassionatefriends.org or website, www.dying.lovetoknow.com

There are also local groups and help in your own area you can call, ask the Department of Human Services for their numbers, or your local church or hospitals.