Dear Sal,
I have two adult children. My youngest one is doing so well and has matured into a lovely person of whom I am tremendously proud of. Going to college, getting straight A’s, and raising a family. My eldest is struggling, in a dysfunctional relationship, and cannot hold a job or stay in college because of drug abuse. My eldest is my lost lamb that I keep trying to save from self-destruction. I keep putting the money, love, and trust out there, but it is repeatedly sabotaged. My youngest is resentful. What do I do? I love them both so much. Neither one of them talks to each other anymore, and it is breaking my heart. What should I do?
Heart Torn in Two
Dear Heart Torn in Two,
My heart goes out to you. So often when we are helping the child that is the “squeaky wheel,” the other child is not getting the attention and appreciation that they deserve. Age does not matter, your children can be adults, and they still need that acknowledgment if they are trying and working hard to be successful. It is difficult, yes, and you may feel torn, but you have to give credit where credit is due. Give the child that is putting out the effort the help and support that they need. With what you have left in your emotional and financial reserves, counsel the the eldest child, guide and direct them, but don’t do it “all” for them. If you help them too much, you are not helping them to stand on their own. It is time to push the little bird from the nest. Be strong, and with love, your children will reunite.
Sal
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